My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
