after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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