took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
