A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
