When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
