I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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