Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
