just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
