i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
