my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
