That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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