you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
