im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
