I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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