you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
