I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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