my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
