dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
