I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
