Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
