her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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