so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
