That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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