What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
