who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
