I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
