so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
