Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
