So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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