I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
