yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
tell me about the eggs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
