How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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