my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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