Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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