My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
