you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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