How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
