do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
