Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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