we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
