I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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