he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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