What did we do last night that was yellow?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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