What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
