started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
