dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
not ubering you a puppy
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