Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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