I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
