I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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