batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Are my feet made of real feet?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
