my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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