My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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