I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
