Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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