We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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