explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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