come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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