Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
