So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
