U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
